This is Rule One. You cannot make meaningful change from a position of denial.
You must accept the current circumstances of your life — honestly, clearly, without softening them. Not to wallow. Not to punish yourself. But because you cannot change what you will not acknowledge.
That acceptance is going to create an emotional event. It is supposed to. Emotional events are not problems to be avoided — they are the mechanism of real change.
You are not perfect. We said it out loud. You are not perfect, and that is not unique to you. You are a human being. On some days, we feel far more human than we would like. All of us — at some point — need help.
You are the person you communicate with the most. Every day, thousands of thoughts. A running commentary on what you are doing, how you are doing it, whether you are doing it right.
Most of that commentary was written a long time ago, by circumstances and experiences and people who were not careful with you. It is running on autopilot.
The things you think about the most will express themselves in your actions, behaviours, and the results you see. If the dominant internal narrative is one of inadequacy, that will leak.
- You must change the way you think about yourself
- You must change the way you speak about yourself — to yourself and to others
- This is not positive thinking — it is accuracy
- You are more capable than the story you have been telling
- The story is not permanent. It is not fact. It is a habit.
One last piece of bad data to dismantle: the idea that there is no rulebook on parenting.
It is a common thing people say. Every child is different. There is no manual. You just figure it out as you go.
That is not quite right. There are fundamental principles of parenting — of human development, of attachment, of self-regulation — that apply regardless of the specific child or the specific circumstances.
The information is there. The guidance is there. You are not figuring this out alone in the dark. You have access to more knowledge about human development and parenting than any generation before you.
The gap is not information. The gap is you applying what you know to yourself first.
Everything in this course has been building to one simple instruction.
You now understand the bad data. You know the G&S loop. You have permission to put the mask on first. You know the trap of away thinking. You have seen Michelle in the mirror. You have accepted your current reality and started to examine how you speak to yourself.
Now act accordingly.
Not tomorrow. Not when things calm down. Not when you feel ready. The readiness does not come first. You already know that.
The course is a beginning, not an end. Keep doing the mirror exercise. Keep updating the story. Keep noticing the G&S loop when it shows up and naming it for what it is — bad data — instead of truth.